Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by aerieljade
Summary: Terra reflects on her past with the Titans, and the decisions she has made. Songfic. Slight BB/Terra.


**I decided to write a story for my friend, using her fav. TT character, and one of my fav. songs. It's all in Terra's POV. :)**

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

_I watched the proverbial sunrise, coming up over the pacific, and you might think I'm losing my mind, but I will shy away from the specifics..._

I sat on a rock, with my feet in the ocean water. I was watching the proverbial sunrise over the pacific coast. I am Terra. I have did bad things. I used to not regret them, but now I do. I was a statue for a while, but when Raven defeated Trigon I was set free. Some may say I am losing my mind right now. But I shy away from that specific thought...

_'Cause I don't want you to know where I am. 'Cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been. This is no place to try and live my life..._

I didn't want to be found. When Beast boy found me I left. I couldn't bear to see him. Even after all the terrible things I did, he still cared. I didn't want him to see me, I was in no condition for him to. I was all strung out. I was so full of regret. Titans Tower was no place to try and live my life...

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line. Well, I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well, I never should have said that, it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back..._

I lost it. I was a failure. Slade made me feel like I wasn't, but it was lies. He said I was doing the right thing. It was a lie. I guess I had lost my mind when I accepted the offer of being his apprentice. When I did that I had crossed the line. I had lost my fellow Titans' trust. I never should have said yes to being Slade's apprentice. That is the very moment I wish I could take back...

_I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again 'cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been..._

I am so sorry for the monster I became. I am sorry that it took this long for me to finally change my ways. I have now, and I am positive I will never become that way again. The person I really am hates who I was. I was my own worse enemy. I hate what I did, I always will regret it...

_I talk to absolutely no one. Couldn't keep to myself enough. And the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up..._

I talk to no one. Some people see me in town. They ask if I'm lost. I suppose I am. Inside my heart I am lost. I couldn't keep to myself enough. I was nosy. I found all my friends' weaknesses, and used them against themselves. I should have kept them a secret, not exploited them. I could say it was Slade getting to me, but I knew what I was doing. I have kept all these things bottled inside, it feels like I am going to blow up at any minute...

_I heard the reverberating footsteps, synching up to the beating of my heart, and I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart..._

I guess you could say my footsteps were in sync with my heart. Everything I did, every step of the way, I could feel in my heart. I was positive that if I didn't get myself together I would just fall apart again, and who knows I may not get so lucky next time...

_And I can't let that happen again 'cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been. This is no place to try and live my life..._

I will never go back to my old ways. I am determined to never hurt the people I care about. Even if I can't see them to do so. I will not go back to the Teen Titans. I don't belong there. It is best for us all, I suppose...

_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line. Well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said that it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back..._

I wish I could go back in time. I wish some magical person would come and give me a time machine, but no one will. This is no fairytale dream, it's more of a nightmare. I thought my life was a dream. It was, when I had the Titans. I ruined it though, and I can never take that back...

_I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again 'cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been..._

I just sit here and look at the ocean. It's crystal clear. A shade of blue, that doesn't really have a name. It's clear, and pure. The way I wish I was. I guess I'm not, though. I suppose I'm like a creek, all dirty, murky, and unclear. Tainted, I suppose. I'm just a creek dreaming of one day being an ocean...

_Who I am hates who I've been and who I am will take the second chance you gave me. Who I am hates who I've been 'cause who I've been only ever made me..._

I suppose the person I am made me the person I was. I guess being the girl who was always self-conscious all the time, and finally being treated like I wasn't a failure made me stay with Slade. He didn't say I couldn't control my powers, he didn't say I needed more practice. He said my flaws made me stronger. I believed it. But it was lies, all lies...

_So sorry for the person I became. So sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again 'cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been..._

I wish they knew how bad I feel, how sorry I am, and that I will never become that way again. I just sit here watching the proverbial sunrise over the Pacific end... Who knows, maybe I am losing my mind. But I'll shy away from those specifics...

**Donee. How was it? Amazing? Sucky? Review, and lemme know! :)**


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